THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS #5

Stage #5  -- Invisible

This is the final stage of drunkenness.  At this point you can do
absolutely anything because no one can see you. You can get
up and dance on a table; you can strip down to your underwear,
to impress the people who have been admiring you all evening,
because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You
are also invisible to the person whom you have picked a fight
with earlier in the evening. You can walk through the streets
singing at the top of your lungs (because of course you are still
smart and know the tune perfectly) and no one will think anything
of it because they can't see you.  All your social inhibitions are
gone. You can do anything, because no one will know.

And you certainly won't remember !

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS #4

Stage #4 -- Bulletproof

You can now pick fights with the people you have been betting
money with because you cannot be hurt by anything. At this
point you would go up to the boyfriend of the woman who had
been admiring your beautiful self all evening and challenge
him to a battle of wits for money. You have no worry about
losing this battle of wits because you know all, have all the
money to cover this bet, and you obviously win a fight that
might erupt if he looses.

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS #3

Stage #3 -- Rich

This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the
world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar and put it on your
bill because you surely have an armored truck full of your
money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets in this stage.
Now of course you still know all, so you will always win all your
bets.  And you have no concern for how much money you bet
because you have all the money in the world. You will also begin
to buy drinks for all the people in the bar who are admiring you
because you are now the smartest, prettiest, and richest person
on the face of the earth.

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS #2

Stage #2 -- Handsome/Pretty

This is when you are convinced that you are the best looking
person in the entire room and everyone is looking at you.  You
begin to wink at perfect strangers and ask them to dance because
of course they had been admiring you the whole evening.  You are
the center of attention, and all eyes are directed at you because
you are the most beautiful thing on the face of the earth.  Now keep
in mind that you are still smart, so you can talk to this person who
has been admiring you about any and all subjects under the sun.

THE FIVE STAGES OF DRUNKENNESS #1

Stage #1 -- Smart

This is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject.
You know all and greatly wish to express this knowledge to
anyone who will listen.  At this stage you are also always
right.  And of course the person you are talking with is
very wrong.  You will talk for hours trying to convince
someone that you are right. This makes for an interesting
argument when both parties are "smart".  Two people talking,
in fact, arguing about a subject neither one really knows
anything about, but are convinced that they are they complete
authority on the subject makes for great entertainment for
those get the opportunity to listen in.

Air Force One

The President, First Lady and Dick Cheney were flying
on Air Force One.

George looked at Laura, chuckled and said, "You know,
I could throw a $1,000.00 bill out of the window right
now and make somebody very happy".

Laura shrugged her shoulders and replied, "I could throw
ten $100.00 bills out of the window and make ten people
very happy".

Cheney added, "That being the case, I could throw one
hundred $10.00 bills out of the window and make a hundred
people very happy".

Hearing their exchange, the pilot rolled his eyes and said
to his Co-pilot, "Such big-shots back there. Hell, I could
throw all of them out of the window and make 56 million
people very happy".